I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize