I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
