I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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