Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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