There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
