The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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