Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
