At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
