I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
