I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
