I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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