His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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