Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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