Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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