you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i would punch a child for taco bell
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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