I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i am craving dick and cupcakes
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
