so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
