I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
