Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
