the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
