8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
