Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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