i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
