dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
