Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
