this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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