We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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