The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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