I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize