Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There's always time for handjobs
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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