Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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