is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Of course I have a pirate flag
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
