i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
try to milk me bitch
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
