he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Sober January is a disaster.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
