the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
