things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
