Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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