at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
