Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
