Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
