yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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