is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
