Even the bartender felt bad for me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
