Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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