I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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