**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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