I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
