hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
