So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
