Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
