her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
