well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
