I love black thongs
wrigley field is MILF paradise
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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