I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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