"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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