I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
