So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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