Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
