I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
