Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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