I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize