i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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