my phone needs a breathalizer
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
