Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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