I need to stop coming to work sober
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
