I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
that is very illegal...i love you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize