Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
