This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
