my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
