he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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