just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize