i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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