yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
