So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
